Did you know that your habits can create happiness or unhappiness? Groundbreaking research done by Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky of the University of California’s Riverside Campus, has shined a light on the formula behind happiness. In her research, Dr. Lyubomirsky discovered that 40% of happiness is driven by your habits. So, what habits lead to unhappiness?

1. Avoiding Novelty – Pursuing new things inspires and excites us. When we avoid novelty, this eventually leads to unhappiness.
2. Loneliness – The more interaction you have with others on a daily basis leads to happiness. When you avoid contact with others, do not socialize regularly and isolate yourself from society, you become unhappy.
3. Blamethrower – Accepting responsibility for your life empowers you. We are happiest when we feel like we are in control of our lives. Blaming others for the things that go wrong in your life disempowers you. It takes away your feeling of being in control of your life, which leads to unhappiness.
4. Lack of Control – Feeling in control of your life leads to happiness. Those who seek to control the behaviors of others become unhappy when those behaviors deviate from their expectations. You can only control your behavior. Seeking to control the behaviors of others leads to unhappiness.
5. Negative Criticism – Criticizing others is a bad habit that creates a spiral of negativity which leads to unhappiness.
6. Complaining – Complaining about how bad things are leads to a negative mindset and eventually an unhappy life. It reaffirms your negative thinking and beliefs and pushes people away from you, leading to a lonely existence.
7. Buying Stuff – Buying things leads to disappointment. Those things will only give you temporary happiness. Eventually the novelty of the new thing will wear off and you will be poorer for owning it.
8. Envy – Grateful people are happy people. Unhappy people envy others.
9. Associating With Toxic People – If you want to be happy, hang out with happy people. Hanging out with people who drag you down leads to unhappiness.
10. Feeling Stuck – Happy people pursue dreams and the goals behind those dreams. Unhappy people don’t pursue dreams and avoid setting goals. As a result they never grow as individuals. They feel stuck in life. Feeling stuck in life leads to unhappiness.
11. Avoiding Risk – Happy people are not afraid of taking risks in life. Unhappy people avoid risk at all costs.
12. Living in the Past and the Future – Happy people focus on the here and now. Unhappy people are constantly thinking about the past and worried about the uncertainty of the future. The past, good or bad, is over. Thinking about what could have been, alternate choices you should have made and past mistakes drags you down into the abyss of negativity. Likewise, worrying about the future forces you to set expectations about the future. When the future arrives and those expectations are not met this leads to unhappiness.
13. High Expectations – I saved this one for last as I believe it leads to the greatest unhappiness. When you set high expectations for yourself, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Life has too many variables. There are too many things that can happen that will affect any outcome you have set in your mind. Some of those things meet your expectations, some exceed your expectations and some fail to meet your expectations. Setting low expectations is the key. When you set low expectations, you set yourself up to meet or exceed them. When you meet or exceed your expectations, this leads to happiness. Setting low expectations does not mean that you do not believe in yourself. It just means that you understand that sometimes reality may be very different than you expected.

Those who succeed are considered by those who do not as being more thoughtful, more analytical and more intelligent. But based on my research, nothing could be further from the truth.

Success is a messy process. It’s an ugly process, quite frankly. Along the path towards success, successful individuals encounter nothing but problems, obstacles, make mistakes and often fail. In fact, 27% of those who eventually became self-made millionaires, failed at first.

Failure and making mistakes is sloppy. Success is sloppy. There’s nothing pretty about it, except in the end, which is what most people see. When we see a successful person, we see their beautiful home, fancy cars and their opulent wealth at work. That’s the only part of success most see. They don’t see the lonely, endless hours of toil required of every successful person. They don’t see the emotional trash heap every successful person carries along with them during their path towards success. If you were able to walk in the footsteps of self-made millionaires, during their path towards success, you would not envy them, you would pity them.

Pursuing a dream, overcoming obstacles and mistakes and the hard won learning and growth that results from the effort is one of the most exciting and rewarding things one can do in life. While the process is messy, the growth that occurs transforms ordinary individuals into extraordinary individuals. Succeeding builds confidence, creates long-term happiness and enables the successful to help family, friends and society in ways they never imagined. The benefits of success, by far, outweigh the anguish of the journey.

Not all habits are created equal. Some habits have more of an impact over your life than others. Some require more effort than others. Some create a sort of domino effect over other habits, overpowering them, minimizing them or even eliminating them completely. And some are temporary habits, habits adopted temporarily in order to help you achieve your goals or realize your dreams.

Running a marathon requires, for most, at least six months of prep time. It forces you to adopt certain temporary habits that will help you increase the number of miles you log every week. There are days in which you will run many miles and recovery days in which you will run fewer miles.

The medcaps require you to study for six to eight months, two to three hours a day. The Certified Public Accountant (CPA) exam requires very much the same dedication. As does the bar exam and the Certified Financial Planner (CFP) exam. Certain exams require that you adopt specific temporary habits that will help you pass the exam. When the exam is over, the need for those habits comes to an end.

When you write a book, you must devote many hours every day to writing and research. A typical book can take anywhere from two months to two years to write, depending on the number of words, the genre and the research required for the book. All of the things that go into writing a book, the writing, the research and the editing, require that you adopt certain habits until you complete the book. But when the book is done, you put away those habits until the next book.

Temporary habits are typically transformative habits. They are a very unique and powerful category of habit that alters the course of your life dramatically. When you embark on any dream, such as getting into med school, becoming a CPA, Attorney, CFP or a published writer, temporary habits make that dream possible. Temporary habits come to life when you pursue a dream and the goals behind that dream. Every self-made millionaire uses temporary habits to help them become successful. They are, in many respects, the most important type of habit every self-made millionaire has in their habit tool belt. 

We all have those nagging to-do’s that we know we should be dealing with. But not all to-do’s are created equal. When one or more of those to-do’s are confrontational to-do’s, meaning they can only be resolved by confronting someone, they drag you down into negativity and create unhappiness. That negativity and unhappiness will persist until you deal with the confrontational to-do’s. The amazing thing about confrontational to-do’s is that, as soon as you deal with them and get them off your list, your mindset immediately shifts from negative to positive and you feel happy.

The fact is, you may not even be aware that there is a confrontational to-do out there that is dragging you down into the abyss of negativity. So, awareness is the first step. Take a good, hard look at all of the to-do’s you’ve been procrastinating on. Chances are one or more will be confrontational to-do’s. Those are the first ones you need to deal with. When you do, you will feel as if a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. You will also feel motivated to tackle the rest of those non-confrontational to-do’s you’ve been putting off .

Procrastinating on the confrontational to-do’s creates a psychological bottleneck that holds you back from tackling other to-do’s. It creates a negative mindset that stops you in your tracks. Tackling your confrontational to-do’s shifts you into a positive mindset and makes you feel as if you can tackle all of your other to-do’s. Oftentimes, you are just one to-do away from optimism and happiness.

In 1993 GE decided to start dreaming. They called this new Dream-setting process “stretch-goals”. “Stretch-goals” are seemingly out-of-reach objectives that disrupt the status quo. They inspire, force you out of your comfort zone and lead to changes that put the impossible within reach.

What GE did next in their Dream-setting process, transformed those dreams into reality. The identified daily, specific action steps that helped move them closer to realizing each of their dreams. In short, they set daily goals, daily to-do’s.

When you Dream-set you define each dream and then create specific goals, 100% achievable action steps, around each dream. You them break those goals down into daily action steps and start walking. Eventually, at the end of your walk, you achieve the goal. Then you move on to the next goal, break that goal down into daily action steps and start walking again. You keep doing this until you achieve each one of your goals. When you complete all of the goals behind each dream, that is when you realize your dream. Then you move on to the next dream, and start the process all over again.

GE’s Dream-setting strategy made Jack Welch a legend. Without it he would have been just another ordinary GE CEO. Dream-setting engages both parts of the brain – the old brain and the new brain. The old brain, also known as the subconscious brain (brain stem and limbic system), swallows the dream whole, tying it to your emotions. The new brain, also known as the conscious brain (neo-cortex), becomes engaged once you start planning out your action steps – your goals. When you Dream-set you get both parts of the brain working in synchrony towards one broad objective – the dream. Dream-setting takes you out of your complacent, hum drum existence and turns on your entire brain. Defining your dream, creates an itch. Creating goals, or 100% achievable action steps, scratches that itch.

One of the common threads I found in the 177 self-made millionaires I studied was the aura of confidence each exuded. My visceral reaction was that self-made millionaires must all have been born with some innate self-confidence; something hardwired into them from birth. I would later learn, after completing my nearly two-year analysis of my data, that I was wrong. What these self-made millionaires all had in common were certain daily habits that boosted their self-esteem and infused them with self-confidence.

My study of daily habits has taken me down many holes that I never imagined I would explore. One is neurology – how the brain works. When it comes to self-esteem and confidence, there are certain daily habits that light up the reward center of the brain. The reward pathway begins in the center of the brain in a region called the ventral tegmental area. Here, special neurons release the neurotransmitter dopamine, which gives you a jolt of pleasure and makes you feel good. In order to make sure you repeat this behavior in the future, the reward pathway is connected to areas of the brain that control memory and behavior. Whether they knew it or not, those self-made millionaires had forged certain daily habits that were lighting up the reward center of the brain, infusing them with self-esteem and an abundance of confidence. What were those daily habits?

• The Daily Habit of Learning Something New – Your brain loves novelty. It loves to learn new things. Each time you learn something new, your brain rewards you. And this boosts self-esteem and confidence.
• The Daily Habit of Overcoming the Fear of Risk – Most people avoid taking risks. Risk spells danger. Risk forces you outside your comfort zone. But self-made millionaires refuse to succumb to the fear of risk. They move outside their comfort zone. They take risks. Every time you take a risk and survive, your brain rewards you. And this boosts self-esteem and confidence.
• The Daily Habit of Producing a Desired Outcome – Achieving goals is about producing a desired outcome. Self-made millionaires pursue desired outcomes. Every time you realize a goal and produce the outcome you desire, your brain rewards you. And this boosts self-esteem and confidence.
• The Daily Habit of Overcoming Obstacles – When we are faced with an obstacle we have a choice. Overcome it or succumb to it and move around it. Those who overcome it, succeed in life. Those who move around it, make a habit of avoiding obstacles life throws in their way and never reach their full potential. Self-made millionaires don’t move around obstacles – they attack them and overcome them. Every time you overcome an obstacle, your brain rewards you. And this boosts self-esteem and confidence.
• The Daily Habit of Persistence – Winners never quit and quitters never win. When you persist and do not quit on yourself, your brain rewards you. And this boosts self-esteem and confidence.
• The Daily Habit of Productivity – When you accomplish those things on your to-do list that are directly related to your goals and dreams, you get closer and closer to achieving those goals and realizing your dreams. When you are productive in the pursuit of your goals and dreams, your brain rewards you. And this boosts self-esteem and confidence.

Self-esteem and confidence are created by our habits and are not innate. In order to become more confident, you must create specific habits that light up the reward center of the brain. When you do, your brain will reward you with more self-esteem and confidence.

Negativity narrows your focus. Narrowing your focus blinds you to most everything in your environment. This narrowed focus limits your ability to see solutions to your problems. Negativity also prevents you from seeing opportunities.

Opportunities are all around us. When you are in a negative state, part of your brain literally shuts down – the executive command and control center goes to sleep. And opportunities and potential solutions simply pass you by. So, negativity enslaves you to problems and poverty.

In a famous study published in 1984 by Robert Ulrich, now at Texas A&M University, they studied surgery patients over a ten year period on a single floor of a hospital. One side of the hospital looked out on a brick wall and the other side looked out at lush, leafy trees. The study found that those patients in the room looking out at the trees spent less time in the hospital, required fewer drugs to numb the pain and were more optimistic about their recovery. In fact, those in the “green room” were 75% more optimistic, or less negative, than those who were not exposed to nature.

There have been many “window studies” conducted over the years and the results are always the same – exposure to the great outdoors increases your positive mental outlook and is a firewall against negativity. Nature relaxes the mind. A relaxed mind enables you to find solutions to problems and see opportunities. This is why so many self-made millionaires make it a daily habit to meditate. Seventeen percent of the self-made millionaires in my Rich Habits study engaged in daily meditation. Others took a walk outside, or had an outdoor happy place in which to relax their minds (i.e. beach, park, trail, etc.). A relaxed mind allows you to think clearly. Inside that clarity of thought are the solutions to all of life’s problems.

There are 3 opposing types of happiness that different types of individuals embrace:

1. Immediate Happiness
2. Past Happiness and
3. Future Happiness

Immediate Happiness

This type of happiness is fleeting. It comes and goes. Most people focus only on pursuing Immediate Happiness. They engage in activities or purchases that give them instant gratification. The problem with focusing only on Immediate Happiness, is that, once it is gone, you are, once again, unhappy. Those who pursue Immediate Happiness as an end to itself, live only for today. There is no tomorrow, there is only today. When tomorrow does come, they find themselves, once again, sad and unfulfilled.

Past Happiness

This is the type of happiness that infects millions. These individuals are constantly looking back on the happiness of yesterday. They make a habit of reminiscing about past happiness events. These individuals are perpetually depressed. They live in a world in which they believe their best days are behind them.

Future Happiness

This is a type of long-term happiness that comes from investing in your future. Those who are the happiest in life, build a future that pays dividends for many years. Creating Future Happiness takes time and effort. It requires making sacrifices today that often require deferring or putting off Immediate Happiness in order for you to create a foundation for long-term happiness to down the road.

Those who are not focused on building their Future Happiness, default into Current and Past Happiness. Relying on these two types of happiness will always leave you feeling unfulfilled. The key to long-term happiness is building your Future Happiness today. When you do, you escape the temptation of pursuing Current Happiness and create a fire wall against the quicksand that is Past Happiness. Both lose their hold over you when you focus on building long-term happiness by focusing on creating a future ideal life. 

Building a team is not easy. It’s a process of trial and error. Finding individuals who all buy into the same dream and the same goals is not easy. Individuals tend to have their own dreams and their own goals and can throw a wrench into the team you are trying to build. Eventually, they are removed from the team (fired) and the trial and error process of finding another apostle for your cause, starts all over. Building the right team that will help you succeed is just messy.

Those who eventually succeed, cobble together a team of people, single-mindedly focused on the same dream and the same goals. They create apostles for their cause. When you have a team pushing the same ball up the hill, you get to the top of the hill much quicker. We are witnessing the wonder of successful team-building right before our very eyes.

Elon Musk has masterfully cobbled together not one, but two teams: Space X and Tesla Motors. In an interview, not too long ago, Musk said that in the early days of Space X and Tesla, he interviewed every new hire, in an effort to create his core team. That core team has made Space X and Tesla Motors household names and transformed Musk from a near bankrupt entrepreneur to a billionaire almost overnight.

Great entrepreneurs are also great team builders. They have a knack for finding team players who are smarter then they are and who have different, complimentary skills that help to multiply the entrepreneur’s chances for success.When you are able to get even just one person, who buys into your dreams and goals, to join your team, you geometrically multiply your chances of success. For entrepreneur’s like Musk, 1 + 1 = 3 (or more).

Michael Jordan, the first billionaire basketball player, failed to make his high school varsity basketball team in his sophomore year and was sent down to his junior varsity team instead.

J.K. Rowling failed 12 times to get her book Harry Potter published. Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hanson (Chicken Soup of the Soul authors), Stephen King (Carrie) and myself, were repeatedly turned down by publishers.

Legend has it that Colonel Sanders heard 1,009 “no”s to use his chicken recipe (Kentucky Fried Chicken) before he heard his first “yes”.

Failure is perceived by most in western society as a bad thing, something to be avoided. Yet failure is a prerequisite for success. In my Rich Habits study, 36% of the self-made millionaires in my study failed at least once in business. But the reason they became self-made millionaires has everything to do with what happened after they failed – they figured out what went wrong, adjusted their goals and activities and tried again.

Failure is instructive. It teaches us what to do and what not to do. It prepares us for success by helping us figure out how to overcome mistakes, pitfalls, setbacks and obstacles that stand in the way of success. Persisting through failure enables us to eventually succeed. And most of the time that success is represented by the little things that go right during our journey towards success. Only in failure can we appreciate success. Those who do not quit after failing, and keep trying, eventually realize little successes along the way. Then they cookie cut, or duplicate what went right over and over again. Failure is nothing more than a learning experience that acts more like a dress rehearsal for future success. So go out and fail. Your success depends on it!