Most people are average. What I mean is that most people do what they have to do in order to pay their bills, raise a family and keep their jobs. But every now and then you run into an exceptional person. Exceptional people are typically upbeat, enthusiastic, intelligent individuals who are doing something unusual, different, dramatic and, well, exceptional.

So what do you do when you run into one of these individuals? If you’re like most average people – not much. You might stay in touch with them in the beginning, maybe even a year or two, but eventually you forget about them and move on with your life. That’s a Poor Habit.

But if you’re like most self-made millionaires or someone who will be one day, you wrap your arms around them and never, ever let them go. You build a long-term relationship with them. You stay in constant communication with them. You turn them from relationship saplings into redwoods. That’s a Rich Habit.

You see, relationships are the currency of the wealthy. When self-made millionaires run into exceptional people they adopt them, like children. They become part of their inner circle. Self-made’s understand that there may one day come a time when they can mutually benefit one another and help elevate each other’s success.

Do you know any exceptional people? Do you stay in constant touch with them or do you have the Poor Habit of letting them slip through the cracks? If you’re struggling in life, you probably are letting them slip through the cracks. If you want to be successful in life, never let exceptional people slip through the cracks. Adopt them. Stay in touch with them constantly. Forge the Rich Habit of turning exceptional people who breeze into your life, into long-term relationships. Successful people never let exceptional people slip through the cracks.

It’s an unfortunate byproduct of pursuing a dream. There are individuals out there who prey on dreamers. They come disguised in many forms. All forms feed into your dream. They all seem sincere in their desire to help you move forward in realizing your dream. You buy into their sincerity, believing that they are truly interested in developing a long-term relationship with you; eager to guide you along the path towards success. But their sincerity comes at a cost. Typically, it’s a financial cost. They can help you realize your dream, they tell you. You just need to pay them X dollars and, magically, they will help make your dream come true. When the check clears, they stick around for a predetermined amount of time. And then they slowly disappear; fading away like a morning fog, leaving you no closer to realizing your dream. These Dream Gypsies, despite their words, are not interested in developing a long-term relationship with you, they are not really interested in helping you realize your dream. Their’s is strictly a short-term heist. The moment they decide your dream is taking too long, they move on. We dreamers often fall for their promises and are left poorer as a result. But, in time, we wise up. We learn from our mistakes. And when the next Dream Gypsie comes along, we are able to spot them a mile away and are able to avoid being taken advantage of a second time.

If you’re not careful, Dream Gypsies can stop your dream in its tracks by wasting your time and your money. If you’re just starting out on your success journey, you need to be on the lookout for Dream Gypsies. In the beginning of any pursuit of a dream, you need to hold on to whatever money you have for dear life. Trust me, you’ll need every dollar.

So, how do you unmask Dream Gypsies? There’s a process. During your march to success, you will encounter many people who seem sincerely interested in helping you. Some of them may profess having certain skills, certain contacts and that special something that you lack, which they convince you is holding you back from realizing success. Before you engage any one of these so-called experts, ask them how many of their clients have become successful. Then ask them for the names and contact information of five of their “successful” clients by the end of the day. The “end of the day” mandate is critical as it does not give them enough time to find those five individuals who will vouch for them. If they are Dream Gypsies, you will likely never hear from them again.

Dream Gypsies can throw a wrench into the pursuit of your dream. Don’t let that happen. Your dream is far too important. Be wary of anyone who promises you success. There is only one person who truly believes in your dream with all their heart and soul and there is only one person who will make that dream come true and that is you. Spend your money wisely as you pursue your dream and avoid Dream Gypsies at all costs. The right people will eventually come along. It just takes time and persistence.

No one likes to fail. In fact, our education system has gone to great lengths to institutionalize the punishment of failure. They call it the grading system. When you fail in school, you get a failing grade. As a child, you are indoctrinated by the education system to see failure as a bad thing. Children who get bad grades, fail too much, could even get left back. This creates fear. So, we are taught by our teachers to fear failure and so we spend our entire adult lives avoiding risk because we fear failure.

But I learned from my Rich Habits study of 177 self-made millionaires that failure was the most direct path towards success. Failure forces you to change and grow. Sure, failure is painful, but the lessons you learn from failure stick. Failure leaves scar tissue on the brain. You never forget your failures. And that’s a good thing. Failure forces you to learn what to do and what not to do. When you fail, you are forced to learn what went wrong and then change what you are doing, making failure temporary. If you refuse to change, then that failure becomes permanent. Here are some things I discovered about failure from my study:

• Failure forces you to change your habits.
• Failure forces you to change your perception.
• Failure forces you to change who you associate with.
• Failure forces you to change your thinking.
• Failure teaches you to value and manage your time better.
• Failure teaches you how to deal with people.
• Failure forces you to manage your money better.
• Failure gives birth to insight and creativity.
• Failure makes you wiser.
• Failure increases awareness.

Those who fail become different people. The education you get from failure stays with you forever and becomes the foundation upon which you build future success. The more you fail, the stronger the foundation and the greater your success will be. In order to succeed you must vanquish the institutionalized belief that failure is something to be feared. Your teachers were wrong. Failure is the path to success.

Nicolas Christakis, a Yale University professor and leading researcher on socially contagious behaviors, found that habits are contagious. Here are some of the discoveries he made regarding habits:

• Habits spread like a virus through your social networks.
• Parents pass good and bad habits down to their children.
• If your family or friends are obese, your risk of obesity increases by 25%.
• If your family or friends smoke cigarettes, you are more likely to smoke.
• If your family or friends exercise, you are more likely to exercise.
• If your family or friends do not value education, you are more likely to not value education.
• If your family or friends are poor, you are more likely to be poor.
• If your family or friends are negative, you are more likely to be negative.
• Where you live and who you associate with shapes the life you lead.

If you are disgusted with your life, you have to change who you associate with on a daily basis. While you cannot change your family associations until you are an adult, you can change your non-family associations even while you are young. You can decide to associate with individuals who have good habits that lead to a happy, healthy and successful life, whether that is in your neighborhood or on Facebook.

Did you know that your habits can create happiness or unhappiness? Groundbreaking research done by Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky of the University of California’s Riverside Campus, has shined a light on the formula behind happiness. In her research, Dr. Lyubomirsky discovered that 40% of happiness is driven by your habits. So, what habits lead to unhappiness?

1. Avoiding Novelty – Pursuing new things inspires and excites us. When we avoid novelty, this eventually leads to unhappiness.
2. Loneliness – The more interaction you have with others on a daily basis leads to happiness. When you avoid contact with others, do not socialize regularly and isolate yourself from society, you become unhappy.
3. Blamethrower – Accepting responsibility for your life empowers you. We are happiest when we feel like we are in control of our lives. Blaming others for the things that go wrong in your life disempowers you. It takes away your feeling of being in control of your life, which leads to unhappiness.
4. Lack of Control – Feeling in control of your life leads to happiness. Those who seek to control the behaviors of others become unhappy when those behaviors deviate from their expectations. You can only control your behavior. Seeking to control the behaviors of others leads to unhappiness.
5. Negative Criticism – Criticizing others is a bad habit that creates a spiral of negativity which leads to unhappiness.
6. Complaining – Complaining about how bad things are leads to a negative mindset and eventually an unhappy life. It reaffirms your negative thinking and beliefs and pushes people away from you, leading to a lonely existence.
7. Buying Stuff – Buying things leads to disappointment. Those things will only give you temporary happiness. Eventually the novelty of the new thing will wear off and you will be poorer for owning it.
8. Envy – Grateful people are happy people. Unhappy people envy others.
9. Associating With Toxic People – If you want to be happy, hang out with happy people. Hanging out with people who drag you down leads to unhappiness.
10. Feeling Stuck – Happy people pursue dreams and the goals behind those dreams. Unhappy people don’t pursue dreams and avoid setting goals. As a result they never grow as individuals. They feel stuck in life. Feeling stuck in life leads to unhappiness.
11. Avoiding Risk – Happy people are not afraid of taking risks in life. Unhappy people avoid risk at all costs.
12. Living in the Past and the Future – Happy people focus on the here and now. Unhappy people are constantly thinking about the past and worried about the uncertainty of the future. The past, good or bad, is over. Thinking about what could have been, alternate choices you should have made and past mistakes drags you down into the abyss of negativity. Likewise, worrying about the future forces you to set expectations about the future. When the future arrives and those expectations are not met this leads to unhappiness.
13. High Expectations – I saved this one for last as I believe it leads to the greatest unhappiness. When you set high expectations for yourself, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Life has too many variables. There are too many things that can happen that will affect any outcome you have set in your mind. Some of those things meet your expectations, some exceed your expectations and some fail to meet your expectations. Setting low expectations is the key. When you set low expectations, you set yourself up to meet or exceed them. When you meet or exceed your expectations, this leads to happiness. Setting low expectations does not mean that you do not believe in yourself. It just means that you understand that sometimes reality may be very different than you expected.

Those who succeed are considered by those who do not as being more thoughtful, more analytical and more intelligent. But based on my research, nothing could be further from the truth.

Success is a messy process. It’s an ugly process, quite frankly. Along the path towards success, successful individuals encounter nothing but problems, obstacles, make mistakes and often fail. In fact, 27% of those who eventually became self-made millionaires, failed at first.

Failure and making mistakes is sloppy. Success is sloppy. There’s nothing pretty about it, except in the end, which is what most people see. When we see a successful person, we see their beautiful home, fancy cars and their opulent wealth at work. That’s the only part of success most see. They don’t see the lonely, endless hours of toil required of every successful person. They don’t see the emotional trash heap every successful person carries along with them during their path towards success. If you were able to walk in the footsteps of self-made millionaires, during their path towards success, you would not envy them, you would pity them.

Pursuing a dream, overcoming obstacles and mistakes and the hard won learning and growth that results from the effort is one of the most exciting and rewarding things one can do in life. While the process is messy, the growth that occurs transforms ordinary individuals into extraordinary individuals. Succeeding builds confidence, creates long-term happiness and enables the successful to help family, friends and society in ways they never imagined. The benefits of success, by far, outweigh the anguish of the journey.

Not all habits are created equal. Some habits have more of an impact over your life than others. Some require more effort than others. Some create a sort of domino effect over other habits, overpowering them, minimizing them or even eliminating them completely. And some are temporary habits, habits adopted temporarily in order to help you achieve your goals or realize your dreams.

Running a marathon requires, for most, at least six months of prep time. It forces you to adopt certain temporary habits that will help you increase the number of miles you log every week. There are days in which you will run many miles and recovery days in which you will run fewer miles.

The medcaps require you to study for six to eight months, two to three hours a day. The Certified Public Accountant (CPA) exam requires very much the same dedication. As does the bar exam and the Certified Financial Planner (CFP) exam. Certain exams require that you adopt specific temporary habits that will help you pass the exam. When the exam is over, the need for those habits comes to an end.

When you write a book, you must devote many hours every day to writing and research. A typical book can take anywhere from two months to two years to write, depending on the number of words, the genre and the research required for the book. All of the things that go into writing a book, the writing, the research and the editing, require that you adopt certain habits until you complete the book. But when the book is done, you put away those habits until the next book.

Temporary habits are typically transformative habits. They are a very unique and powerful category of habit that alters the course of your life dramatically. When you embark on any dream, such as getting into med school, becoming a CPA, Attorney, CFP or a published writer, temporary habits make that dream possible. Temporary habits come to life when you pursue a dream and the goals behind that dream. Every self-made millionaire uses temporary habits to help them become successful. They are, in many respects, the most important type of habit every self-made millionaire has in their habit tool belt. 

We all have those nagging to-do’s that we know we should be dealing with. But not all to-do’s are created equal. When one or more of those to-do’s are confrontational to-do’s, meaning they can only be resolved by confronting someone, they drag you down into negativity and create unhappiness. That negativity and unhappiness will persist until you deal with the confrontational to-do’s. The amazing thing about confrontational to-do’s is that, as soon as you deal with them and get them off your list, your mindset immediately shifts from negative to positive and you feel happy.

The fact is, you may not even be aware that there is a confrontational to-do out there that is dragging you down into the abyss of negativity. So, awareness is the first step. Take a good, hard look at all of the to-do’s you’ve been procrastinating on. Chances are one or more will be confrontational to-do’s. Those are the first ones you need to deal with. When you do, you will feel as if a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. You will also feel motivated to tackle the rest of those non-confrontational to-do’s you’ve been putting off .

Procrastinating on the confrontational to-do’s creates a psychological bottleneck that holds you back from tackling other to-do’s. It creates a negative mindset that stops you in your tracks. Tackling your confrontational to-do’s shifts you into a positive mindset and makes you feel as if you can tackle all of your other to-do’s. Oftentimes, you are just one to-do away from optimism and happiness.

In 1993 GE decided to start dreaming. They called this new Dream-setting process “stretch-goals”. “Stretch-goals” are seemingly out-of-reach objectives that disrupt the status quo. They inspire, force you out of your comfort zone and lead to changes that put the impossible within reach.

What GE did next in their Dream-setting process, transformed those dreams into reality. The identified daily, specific action steps that helped move them closer to realizing each of their dreams. In short, they set daily goals, daily to-do’s.

When you Dream-set you define each dream and then create specific goals, 100% achievable action steps, around each dream. You them break those goals down into daily action steps and start walking. Eventually, at the end of your walk, you achieve the goal. Then you move on to the next goal, break that goal down into daily action steps and start walking again. You keep doing this until you achieve each one of your goals. When you complete all of the goals behind each dream, that is when you realize your dream. Then you move on to the next dream, and start the process all over again.

GE’s Dream-setting strategy made Jack Welch a legend. Without it he would have been just another ordinary GE CEO. Dream-setting engages both parts of the brain – the old brain and the new brain. The old brain, also known as the subconscious brain (brain stem and limbic system), swallows the dream whole, tying it to your emotions. The new brain, also known as the conscious brain (neo-cortex), becomes engaged once you start planning out your action steps – your goals. When you Dream-set you get both parts of the brain working in synchrony towards one broad objective – the dream. Dream-setting takes you out of your complacent, hum drum existence and turns on your entire brain. Defining your dream, creates an itch. Creating goals, or 100% achievable action steps, scratches that itch.