How far are you willing to go to achieve your goals or realize your dreams?

How much time are you willing to commit everyday to your goals or to a dream?

How much risk are you willing to take in pursuit of your goals and your dreams? By risk I mean, how much money are you willing to invest in risk in your goals and your dreams or how much debt are you willing to take on in pursuit of your goals and your dreams?

In short, what is your commitment threshold?

This is actually a trick question. You see, those who become self-made millionaires have no commitment threshold. They go all in. They will go bankrupt before they quit on their goals and their dreams.

If you have a commitment threshold it means you will likely quit at some point on your goals and dreams. Most have commitment thresholds and, as a result, most do not become self-made millionaires.

Study any self-made millionaire and you’ll find they all have one thing in common – they sell something.

It may be a product, like a car, electrical gadget, fried chicken or donuts. Or, it may be a service, like designs, legal advice, financial planning or a new way of doing something.

• Warren Buffet sells his financial expertise.
• Elon Musk sells his Tesla cars or the use of his Space X rockets.
• Mark Zuckerberg sells Facebook advertising and marketing services.
• Dr. Ben Carson sold his expertise as a neurosurgeon.
• LeBron James sells his basketball skills.
• Tony Robbins sells his motivational and training seminars.
• J.K. Rowling sells her Harry Potter books.
• Taylor Swift sells her love songs.

Every incredibly rich, successful person sells something. Selling something people want, need or desire virtually guarantees success. The key is finding your superpower, some inherent strength you possess, and transforming it into a salable product or service that people want, need or desire.

It’s Sunday night. You’re on your porch, sofa, couch, deck, etc. Tomorrow’s Monday. And you think, oh God, tomorrow’s Monday.

Then you remember that you do not have to “work” tomorrow. You don’t have to “work” because you are doing what you love and tomorrow, Monday, is just another day in heaven.

I was blessed to speak on the same stage with Sir Richard Branson a few years ago. Because I was one of the speakers, I was allowed some private time with him. So, I asked him if he considered what he did “work”.

He smiled that Hollywood smile he has and said, “Tom, I love what I do. If I told you I played 14 hours a day, what would you think of me.”

I said I’d think he was just another spoiled millionaire. He said, “that’s how I feel. I feel like I am able to play every day.”

Mondays to Sir Richard Branson do not mean the same thing as it does to the rest of us. Almost everyone has the same reaction on Sunday nights. They regret that the weekend is ending.

The key to happiness, true happiness, is doing what you love. Sundays, Mondays, they become irrelevant when you love what you do.

When you love what you do, every day is Friday.

I hate to tell you this but you’ve probably been led astray by most of the self-help experts out there regarding affirmations.

Affirmations only work if they are tied to a dream and a goal that is grounded in reality.

Let me give you an example.

Let’s say you are studying to become a Certified Public Accountant. If you follow the advice of the self-help experts, they will tell you to create the following affirmation:

“I am a CPA”

The experts say such an affirmation will serve to reprogram your subconscious mind into believing you are a CPA and, thus, your subconscious mind will push you to taking action that will lead to your becoming a CPA. It will somehow magically inspire and motivate you to become a CPA.

Unfortunately, that’s bad advice. It’s bad advice because that affirmation creates an internal conflict between your conscious mind, which is grounded in reality, and your subconscious mind, which is fed a vision of the future you.

Your conscious mind knows you are not a CPA, so it does not accept the programming.

As a result, your conscious mind will not accept that affirmation. OK then, what will it accept?

“I am studying 2 hours every day to become a CPA”

This affirmation works because it is tied to a dream and a goal that is grounded in reality. The dream is becoming a CPA and the goal is studying every day. That goal is achievable. It’s not unrealistic. Your conscious mind will accept this affirmation because it believes that it is possible for you to realize your dream of becoming a CPA, so long as you study for 2 hours every day.

This affirmation also serves as an accountability partner. If you say the affirmation every day, it serves as a reminder that you need to study in order to realize your dream.

With this affirmation, your conscious mind and subconscious mind now work as a team in order to make your dream a reality. There is no conflict between your two minds.

According to Psychologist Rick Hanson, we are hardwired for negativity. The brain reacts far more strongly to negative experiences than positive ones.

Anger and disgust are two of the most powerful negative emotions we have. They also happen to be two of the most powerful triggers for habit change. Emotions, good or bad, stir us into action.

The key is, what action do you take? Is it constructive action or destructive action?

Anger can, on a dime, immediately transform us from couch potatoes into action taking machines. Those who are able to take their anger out in a constructive way, improve their lives. Those who take action that is destructive damage their lives.

Example: someone you know calls you fat. Do you lash out at the person and destroy that relationship or do you get off the couch and start exercising.

Disgust can also force you to alter your behavior for good or bad. Disgust can drive you into constructive behavior or send you spiraling into depression, further exasperating your circumstances.

Example: you’re naked, looking in the mirror, and you become disgusted with how overweight you are. You can react in a constructive way and decide that you are going to lose weight by changing your eating habits and adding a new exercise habit. Or, you can become depressed about your life, driving you to eat more of the foods that caused you to become overweight in the first place. 

With anger and disgust, how you react, constructively or destructively, can improve your life or make it worse. When you use anger and disgust constructively, it can transform your life for the better.

So, the next time you get angry or become disgusted with your life, take a breath and do something constructive about it.

Successful people use anger and disgust to help them create the life of their dreams. Unsuccessful people use anger and disgust to drag them further down in life.

Ninety-five percent of the rich in my Rich Habits Study indicated that being liked was critical to their success. Conversely, only 9% of the poor felt being liked was important to success.

As it turns out, the rich were on to something big. 

You’re probably familiar with the phrase, “there’s safety in numbers”. One of the key factors responsible for the incredible success of the human race has been our ability to form social groups.

In the early days of human existence, those who were not part of a group became food for predators. Isolation almost certainly spelled death. 

Being part of a group was so critical to our survival a a species that it became hardwired into our DNA over the past ten million years.

When someone says, “I like you”, either directly or indirectly (gossip), it changes how you view that person.

Success has many moving parts. Being liked is one of those moving parts. It’s fundamental to success. When you are able to get people to like you, it alters their behavior towards you.

You can get people to do almost anything you want if you tell them you like them. Our brains put people who like us on a pedestal.

If you like someone, let them know. They will be happy to help you as you march along the path towards success.

If you spent as much time as I have, as a fly on the wall of the rich and the poor, you’d come to understand, as I do, what makes them tick.

You’d learn that pursuing something you are passionate about geometrically increases your chances of becoming rich and successful.

You’d learn that persistence separates those who succeed from those who fail.

You’d also learn a lot about why the rich are happier than the poor.

When you boil it down, happiness and unhappiness come down to two things:

1. Expectations and
2. Control

When your expectations are met, you are happy. When your expectations are not met, you are unhappy.

When you feel like you are in control of your life, you are happy. When you feel like you are not in control of your life, you are unhappy.

Most of the rich in my study were happy because they pursued their dreams and goals with a relentlessness that bordered on fanaticism and eventually realized their dreams and goals.

But, along their march towards realizing their dreams and goals, they often struggled. They struggled in achieving goals and overcoming obstacles.

Failing to meet a goal or overcome an obstacle, caused them emotional anguish and made them unhappy.

So, through trial and error they learned the importance of pivoting. They adjusted their goals and lowered their expectations in order to reflect the reality of the situation, so they could overcome those obstacles that stood in their way and realize their goals.

When they made this adjustment, the ups and downs leveled off. Their expectations began to match their results.

Lowering their expectations enabled them to meet their expectations and that made them happy.

That happiness supercharged them with more passion, which enabled them to continue their relentless march towards success.

Eventually that relentlessness paid off – they succeeded.

And that success gave them a feeling that they were in control of their life, which made them happy.

Meeting expectations and feeling you are in control of your life are the two main variables that create  a happy life. Failing to meet expectations and feeling as if you are not in control of your life result in an unhappy life.